Last year this time I promised myself I’d hit my 40’s in the healthiest physical and mental state that I could possibly be in. Not for the worlds idea of where I should be but for where I was meant to be!
I did SO MUCH self growth, forgiveness and prayer. I teamed up with a badass trainer who pushed me to my limits and gave me self confidence to move my body. I was surrounded by an amazing family and the best of friends.
One year ago today I was at my leanest body mass. Physically and mentally I had worked hard to achieve this Healthy version of myself. I had shifted an unworthiness to gratitude, goals to success and new habits to a sustainable reality. It felt unbelievable!
Then my world imploded. My best friend was diagnosed with cancer, my step mom passed away from cancer and the only way I knew how to manage was distraction. Food, alcohol, over working myself, barely sleeping and doing anything in my power to help in any way I could. I spent the entire summer and in to the Fall barely consciously functioning!
I don’t regret that, not for a second. I’d give my world for my family and friends... I love them tremendously!
Slowly things started to turn and I was working at getting myself back on track. Then October 12th came and I landed myself (literally and figuratively) in the ICU for four days due to an accident on my road bike. It’s a standing joke with my family and friends and a lot of laughter has come of this accident. I don’t mind it, it’s a welcomed banter. It doesn’t however take away the severity of the accident and the damage it has done to my body.
Fighting my way back from this injury has been more stressful then I bare to share. The effects I thought would be momentary have proved to be chronic. The strength I have lost mentally and physically feels debilitating.
Like everyone else these days I’m stuck in my house with nothing but time to think. A mile long journal of excuses and to many days of feeling sorry for myself to even count now.
I am so fortunate that I have a job (well multiple actually) that I LOVE. I’m surrounded every day by people who inspire me, challenge me and make me want to be the best version of myself that I can be. My job is to help people transform their lives. It works. I see it every day. Peoples lives are changing and here I sat... feeling sorry for myself. Why? They have stories, struggles, pain and heartache.
Then I got a text last night from an old friend. He and I went to High School together and here we are again reconnected by this gym community in which I love. His text was a picture of his calendar in which he had marked off every day in April with an “X”... That X indicated that he had worked out every day for 30 days. I was instantly filled with gratitude, joy and FIRE! I was so proud of him and I was so inspired by him. He has a story. He has a painful journey. He has battled injury BUT he never gave up!
So this morning I woke up at 3:42am wide awake with thoughts going a million miles per hour. My 40’s are now just a few months away and I want to hit them stable and strong. I started scribbling down goals on a piece of paper and reading and rereading a note my dear best friend had given me on a gift that meant a lot to her. It read “coach me and I will learn, challenge me and I will grow, believe in me and I will WIN”. Her words hit me like a ton of bricks!! Finally it was back. That fire I thought I lost, that old me who would never let herself give up! She was back!
There is a lot we cannot control in this world and for people like me that’s hard to handle. However there are many things that ARE within my wheelhouse of control and I woke up today ready to take it back!
So grateful for the community of badass athletes and friends I’m surrounded by. Seriously the best damn group of people you will ever know. Thankful for COVID-19. Not for the sadness and loss it’s caused but for the manor in which it’s changed the direction of Americans. Slowing us down, giving us family time, making life purposeful again instead of just constant motion and thankful most of all for LIFE!
Today is Day 1 on my calendar of “x” marks .....
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